Problems of Mine

I have not been to classes for more than a week now. The thing is that I really don’t want to. First of all, I’ve been fighting depression for a few years now and every time it comes back, it gets stronger – that’s a proven fact.. So I simply don’t want to stare at how I destroy my life and relationships with other people.. So I surprisingly took my first step – I found an audio book about depression and it is called ”The Mindful Way Through Depression’‘. I am in the middle of the book now. It really made me look at depression from completely different point of view.. but what helped me even more.. was doing the things I want. I stayed home, I helped Kaspars, I took on embroidery, wrote blog, visited my parents and enjoyed the nature. These are all the things that I WANTED TO DO. So I did, and I felt happy again. When I feel depressed it isn’t just unhappy.. it’s even worse – I don’t care about the things I should. I simply don’t want to exist.. It destroys everything! When I look at my life I understand that everything is great and I should be the Happy Carrot, but I can’t make myself feel that way. It’s sad and unfair.. especially to Kaspars. This is why I can’t go back to doing those things that make me feel miserable and my life – pointless. And I mean.. I don’t see how the bachelor’s degree can get me a job and make me happy. It can’t! Because if I really want to learn programming.. I should start doing it by myself. But all I can think of is ” what will my parents say? What will my friends say?”. I can make my own decisions but I am afraid to make a mistake as we all are..
But then again – what mistake? The biggest mistake is to waste your time on the things you don’t want to do. When my parents are gone and friends living their own lives… there won’t be anyone judging me except myself – I will be judging myself for the things I didn’t do. I have different values in my life – money definitely isn’t the first one.

I want to be happy, alive and energetic. I want to find a way I can feel happy. I want to do the things that help me and my family. And I want that ”doing” to help other people. I want to live and never regret anything. I want to experiment with my life by following my heart.


Let’s Build A Student For 2014

Last Friday I wanted to check my results in Computer Architecture and there was no result so I thought that I didn’t pass the exam and I need to retake it. I was disappointed (the professor promised the results on Friday).. but then on Monday I figured to go and check it again.. and when I did .. I saw ”5”  and well.. it’s pretty damn good!!! Because I had only two options 3 or 5. I had to have at least 4. So I did.. I had 5.. NICE! Because it is the hardest class in my program and I have passed it! Woohoo!

Another great news: I had to go for 3 more classes for swimming in order to pass it, but somehow someone had posted in University’s web page that swimming is finished for me.. so as I understand.. I don’t have to go for those 3 classes. ^^  I am happy about it because I want to change the sport. Swimming in that pool is great for my back and its quite interesting but my hair and skin are so dry and not shinny at all. I like to be pretty and preferably without putting moisturizers every time I swim. Fair, right?

I have ”unfinished business” at University but I feel confident that I can deal with it and continue my studies 🙂

While we’re on the University subject.. I have this great mate that helps me and other people and it’s funny because he has so much things to do on his own but still he is so anxious to help. I felt happy and supported when he said:” I won’t let you drop out!”  .. I smiled, it seemed funny, but still nice. There are a lot of nice people out there. ^^

How Am I Doing In 2014

Hello! 🙂

Yesterday Kaspars was in Hospital because of his headaches. The doctors didn’t say anything useful or logical for that matter so the investigation continues. Thanks to our good friend we might just get the answers ! 🙂

Last Friday I missed my exam for Programming. I thought that it was at 12.00 but changes were made and I didn’t know that. But that’s the least of my worries… because tomorrow I have exam in Computer Architecture.. aaand that’s pretty complicated ;D

And some sad news.. our group will be divided and that is why we can write 5-7 people group and give it to the council in order to stay together. And that’s what we will do. 🙂

Today will be the first time I actually go to university and it seems really hard. I’ve been home for so many days that I can’t even go back to the studies. It is unbelievably hard!! Not like in mornings when you want to sleep and you have thoughts like ”stupid university.. pooo..peee… ” ;D It is more like ”WHATEVER…. |-( ”   So yeah. Not cool.. not cool..

Freedom Street

Čau!  (Thats ”Hi” from Latvian )

These few days have been so full of new things that I didn’t even have time to get my computer and write anything. This was my second night in the new apartment and today I am still ordering and cleaning everything ;D  (The title is actually the street I live on) Me and Kaspars have a big room and there are 3 more rooms which soon will be taken (I hope) because we want to split the rent into 5 pieces : )

I have a feeling that living here with bunch of positive people will help me to feel more happy! Yesterday we had our first guest and it was just awesome to laugh with them and .. That’s just what I need! After living with my parents for so long… I simply know that the best way for our family to work is to live apart : )

Here comes the rain again

Here comes the rain again (Photo credit: Jonathan_W (@whatie))

Changes are always good.. changes strengthens yourself and doesn’t allow you to be boring, unhappy or unoriginal. Changes will make you think differently and will make you start using your brains again!

Today I will have a visitor here – Madara, and afterwards I will go on a trip for 1st year students. I don’t remember if I told you where I will study.. So.. starting with the September I will study at Riga’s Technical University and I’ll be studying.. ehmm… Computer science (Computer Systems) and stuff like that 🙂 So I am happy that they thought that my application for the camp is original enough to take me with them ^^ I expect to befriend with a lot of people so that when I go to my first day of University I would be as ”Hey!! How are you? ” 🙂

I got new followers and that makes me superduper happy! That inspires me to write more, to do more, to exercise more and just experience everything MORE!

Thank you, guys!
I like you just because you like me! Simple as that ! 🙂