This one is an update for my relationships, social life and thoughts on all of that.
As we (Kaspars & Daiga) are getting married in May, 2014, few weeks back we figured that we want to have a special person that can marry us. This is because often in Registry Office ‘marrying’ person is so ”whatever” about your wedding day and also it seems .. cold. Fortunately Kaspars knows Andrejs who is a priest but also has rights to marry people. So we called him and made an appointment. He was happy to see me again, because he had only seen me once.. like.. 4 years ago. We were still together and he was glad. He offered us a preparation course before marriage. And we decided to do it.
Now we have been going to those sessions for more than a month ( he does it for free and in his own free time ) and we have learned a lot of interesting facts. Mostly we already knew basic things about communication, support, sex and so on.. but still there were a lot of new things to think about even from a different view. We are reading a book together which he recommended us, it is called ”To Couples” by Julian Melgosa, Anette D.Melgosa. This book speaks about interesting facts, differences between men and women, and statistics and even researches. Although it is quite ok (the book), the most valuable things we have learned from Andrejs himself.
The best thing about these sessions is that we can discuss these things afterwards. For me the things that I now think about more is:
-Supporting Kaspars in everything he does ( I always have respected him but now I do that even more )
-Accepting the differences in personalities
And I noticed that Kaspars is more understanding that I am a woman which means I like to talk about my feelings.
We feel more happy than ever before.
Few days back we had an argument (No yelling and chair throwing.. simply misunderstanding and hurt feelings). We resolved the problem with talking. Well.. this is nothing new ;D I think the whole planet does this usually ( besides the lunatics ). But I had a major breakthrough!–> Usually my girl friends tell me that they are disappointed in their BF’s because after a long talk.. the only thing that he has to say is something like: ” Ok.. Aha… Sorry” . But this is how men usually speak: Short but specific. The breakthrough was that I explained Kaspars that I can’t feel as if the argument is over if the only response is ” Ok”.. He now knows that he has to explain his feelings in long sentences.. even saying the same thing two or three times but in different words and only then he has assured me of how he feels and that everything is going to be alright! And he actually tried it during that conversation. He finally understood it. I have no more words for that…. IT WAS SO GOOOOOOD! LIKE A NATURAL! ;DDDD
And I felt like… 5 years together… but it was worth it! Communication: ++++++10000000!!!!!
There are times when I want to sit down and write about him and our life. It is 2:28 a.m. and I think so much that I cant put myself to sleep.
Today we searched the calendar for boy and girl names.. For our children. We seem to miss a little meatball and someone to raise up. Its great that we are on the same level here. So about us – Daiga & Kaspars. We are together for 5 years and have been living together for more than 3. We feel like a married couple for a long time and I mean that in a good way. Some people asked me:” So? How did he propose?” and everybody expects a romantic proposal. The thing is that we talked about getting married years before. This was just an activisation of it. Often I get the feeling that if the woman is soo surprised by the proposal it must mean that their communication is at low level. I cant imagine this for myself. Sure, I can imagine romantic proposal but not the surprise. I remember when I was in 9th grade I told one of my classmates that I will marry Kaspars in this life! Well.. That was 4 years ago. When I think about it, it even amazes myself. I cant even fully understand how could I be so sure about something. And where we are now.. Well.. Thats beautiful! We have grown up together in our personalities and we understand each other better than ever. We can finish others sentences, we know what the other one is thinking. It is fun! Few years back we were good friends with married couple. They were recently married, they came from different countries and from the stories the man proposed because he had always wanted a red headed girl. So it happened. One evening we all and some other people were going out. The husband asked us:” How long are you together?” .. We answered and then asked:”Why do you ask?” .. – ” We were holding hands only in the beginning, when we were dating.” and the conversation continued but what I realized then and can also say about the present is that every time we go outside we hold hands. Often we look like young couple that is dating. What happened until this day: We started loving each other even more, we miss each other more. We are so lucky to have that.
I really wish everbody to find that kind of person, to build such relationships and be happy!!! And if you have found one then go for it!!!
Kaspars and I spent holidays at my parents house and we also prepared some gifts for my two assumed-to-be best friends. For some reason I didn’t feel like meeting them because I just wasn’t sure whether they really want to see me. So we made gifts and then went out to deliver them and put those gifts in the mailbox.
Few days ago I met two friends that I went to high school with. It was nice to finally meet them, to chat and see how they are doing. Everything was great. The thing that surprised me though was sentence that one of them said: ” I know what we can talk about – we can talk about what we do not like about our boyfriends, it is always fun”. Well.. the first thing I said was ” I am not doing that, sorry… I can listen and maybe give you guys some advice.. but not this.. ah-a!! (as I shook my head)”
This was something I thought about later.. I really think they are cool girls, for real, but I did not expect that. It seemed like something out of ”Cosmopolitan” magazine ( and I am not a fan ;D ) .. Do you want to know my thoughts on this subject? Well, here it goes:
I cant f***ing understand those women who can complain about their men in such pretentious ways. They go like” Omg.. I cant stand when he says that and does that…” And the silly part is – what does that say about yourself? Well.. pretty much that you don’t have the guts to leave him or you are so dumb to stay with him. Plus… women should… no… scratch that!! Women must understand that Nobody is perfect; We are here to develop our personalities; and finally – You are in a relationship and you need to support your man and make him feel as the best guy in the world ( which he should be FOR YOU.. because you love him ) and that includes when you are with your friends.. especially then! Has complaining EVER solved anything? It doesn’t solve it makes everyone feel miserable and that’s it.
All this has made me think about people that are around me.. including friends. So the real situation is that I don’t have pretty much anyone I can share my life daily and I just don’t know how that happened. I have heard about this and the reason may be that I change and people around me don’t or they change in Not the right direction.. so they simply think that I am somehow changed and like… worse or something.. but there is nothing bad about it actually. So now I live in the big city and it is hard to find a person that I have something in common more than hair color, school that we went to or memories. I think differently from most of the people around me.. I think it is okay.. but I want to find that small part that can agree with me on bigger things. Well there is of course Kaspars. He isn’t just the lover.. he is a friend that I can talk to and discuss things and have even the same opinion on them.
Another problem is that people forget about me. This is what I really want to understand. How can they do that? Was I really such a bad person?
In conclusion, I want to make new friends. Some of them should be married couples because we are soon getting married too ourselves. I want to find people with open minds, new experience and simply POSITIVE.. I want to learn from them something new! But how do I do that? It will take time to find that and to feel comfortable to talk about my inner experiences and beliefs.