These are the 2 things that I keep in my mind throughout the day.
-Pure Positive Focus-
When something unpleasant happens we tend to keep drowning in the negative focus. It feels like it takes over and you have no control. It seem impossible to think any good thought. But what you should do is to let go and give yourself into that negative feeling. And I mean – stop trying to make it go away or tell yourself that it is so bad to feel this negative emotion and that you SHOULD feel this and that instead… This will literally throw you into a negative spiral and it does not take long to end up in hopelessness and eventually depression. So when you feel negative emotion JUST STOP! And let yourself feel the anger or sadness with mindfulness, with awareness and curiosity even. Because the emotion DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. Listen to it as If the emotion is like a messenger (which it is) and you honour it as a guest into you house. As a foreign traveller – so you want to be open and really listen to what it has to say. Validate it. If it is here so it has a value! This will literally feel like a relief. I could talk more about this topic in greater detail and also actual steps that you can take to move into more positive vibration. Just remember -you cannot jump vibrations. It means a person who feels completely hopeless cannot make himself feel pure hope and excitement just like that. You go gradually. Always. Consciously or unconsciously. Here is the emotional vibration scale:
But talking about pure positive focus – you can always shift your focus to feel better when you focus on things that you are really happy about. I have a personal example – I felt really shitty going back to work after being sick because I had lost the motivation to work (Also actually the reason why I was prone to getting the virus in the first place). So I felt horrible. I could not work effectively because I did not see the point. I was just fed up. And I tried to distract myself with music and so on.. But it just kept coming back. At one point I felt simply paralysed because it was literally a war zone inside of me and I was pulling myself emotionally to the opposite directions. Then I watched Teal’s video which actually talked about key of happiness – Pure positive focus and taking an inspired action. And then I just accepted the feeling of being fed up and disappointed. I took time to understand andaccept the traveller inside of my heart. I still felt shitty about the work but I felt a big relief. Suddenly I wasn’t running against a tornado. At that moment it felt as a good time to shift focus. So I took a pen and a paper and started to write the things that I was truly grateful for in that moment (You are not trying to tell yourself to feel grateful, you actually want to feel that way). It could be anything. Usually it is the easiest to write about the small things – small, easy but they do the trick. So few of the things I wrote – ” I feel happy that I am sitting alone and listening to music and no one is bothering me with request that I would not want to respond to. I am grateful to have this moment to myself and being able to sit with my emotions because they matter to me.” ”I feel truly grateful for not having to work a job where I have to wear a uniform and pretend I am happy when I am not (I was thinking about my previous job at the casino).”And you can continue as long as you can and want. But the shift happened – I felt like I was controlling the tornado and it was carrying me into a future that I felt optimistic about, even a bit excited. I was really proud of myself. Especially because I used to live in these negative spirals all the time where I would drop so low as powerlessness/depression/guilt etc. Anyway – my focus changed – it now was a pure positive focus. I ended up going home feeling quite all-right and the next day I got good news that made me genuinely feel motivated about work again!
-Taking an inspired action-
This was a big struggle for me. I have always ignored my needs. I have lived my life just to please others – friends, family, teachers and so on.. Without even really realizing it. And sometimes I got really angry and wanted to stand for myself but at the end I just blamed myself for being so selfish. Our society exalts sacrificing. Hate it. Worst. Thing. Ever. This is reason why I conditioned myself and made myself believe that there is something WRONG WITH ME if I have my own desires and If I follow my dreams, needs and wants. I never really had anyone by my side who would be like ” Go Daiga! Chase your dreams!” It was supposed to be parents who inspire you and stand behind you no matter what. Yeah well.. Not in this time and age. They are dealing with their own problems and consequences from their parent’s fuck-ups (Everyone is). I healed my severe self-guilt with Completion Process (Read more about it here) (And on Teals website) and now I am actively learning to listen to my heart. When I suddenly get an inspiration or get excited about some idea or activity I take responsibility for it and make sure I follow it – this is taking an inspired action. It is important to differ this from feeling urged to do something – this is the opposite because it comes from a negative space and so it yields negative results. Last few years it had been very hard for me to take inspired actions. I still tend to tell myself all the reasons why the idea is not that good or maybe too ambitious or something. Basically my mind is trying to find all kinds of reasons and excuses because it thinks that I will somehow get hurt by following my desires. The funny thing is – The purpose of life IS TO FOLLOW YOUR DESIRES, WANTS AND NEEDS. And always prioritize your life by YOUR OWN values and live in accordance with them. If you don’t – you will find yourself feeling bored, discouraged, given up and you will try to seek distractions in food, porn and video games etc. because it is painful to think about the fact that you are not following your heart. And your heart will keep reminding you its desires throughout your life, but as you listen to it less and less, it becomes more and more silent almost impossible to hear. I did not say anything new, right? Yes, but the thing is that most of us don’t really get the meaning of this or choose to ignore it because its painful. People usually understands this when they are 40. Suddenly they have a newsflash that they hate their life because they have been making the wrong decisions – not for themselves but in favour of others. And it is a bit harder to become that world famous painter when you have a mortgage and a stressful career at some fancy world corporation and every aspect of your life has been made in order with the fake life that you are living. So I have chosen not to wait for my mid-life crisis. I am in my twenties and want to make it right – live a happy life by following my desires right now.
Mind and Heart
Heart: I really want to drive to the mall !!!! Mind: Are you serious? It’s Wednesday evening and the shops close in 2 hours! Heart: But I just want to have fun and buy some Christmas gifts for friends and family. Maybe have a cup of tea in a cafe.. Mind: There is a lot of time to do that another day. And you have a lot of teas in the kitchen. Why do you want to pay for a cup of tea there? Heart: I don’t know…. I just thought that it could be a fun way how to spend this evening and the thought of it makes me feel very excited. You know how much I love to walk through shops and look for interesting gifts.. Mind: No! Not today! Go wash some dishes and work on your project or something! And make a tea! Heart: But.. Mind: NO! Heart: Um… Mind: Dishes and tea! Heart:…..
I wish everybody to have the COURAGE to say YES to the heart!
I have not been to classes for more than a week now. The thing is that I really don’t want to. First of all, I’ve been fighting depression for a few years now and every time it comes back, it gets stronger – that’s a proven fact.. So I simply don’t want to stare at how I destroy my life and relationships with other people.. So I surprisingly took my first step – I found an audio book about depression and it is called ”The Mindful Way Through Depression’‘. I am in the middle of the book now. It really made me look at depression from completely different point of view.. but what helped me even more.. was doing the things I want. I stayed home, I helped Kaspars, I took on embroidery, wrote blog, visited my parents and enjoyed the nature. These are all the things that I WANTED TO DO. So I did, and I felt happy again. When I feel depressed it isn’t just unhappy.. it’s even worse – I don’t care about the things I should. I simply don’t want to exist.. It destroys everything! When I look at my life I understand that everything is great and I should be the Happy Carrot, but I can’t make myself feel that way. It’s sad and unfair.. especially to Kaspars. This is why I can’t go back to doing those things that make me feel miserable and my life – pointless. And I mean.. I don’t see how the bachelor’s degree can get me a job and make me happy. It can’t! Because if I really want to learn programming.. I should start doing it by myself. But all I can think of is ” what will my parents say? What will my friends say?”. I can make my own decisions but I am afraid to make a mistake as we all are..
But then again – what mistake? The biggest mistake is to waste your time on the things you don’t want to do. When my parents are gone and friends living their own lives… there won’t be anyone judging me except myself – I will be judging myself for the things I didn’t do. I have different values in my life – money definitely isn’t the first one.
I want to be happy, alive and energetic. I want to find a way I can feel happy. I want to do the things that help me and my family. And I want that ”doing” to help other people. I want to live and never regret anything. I want to experiment with my life by following my heart.