Mysterious Midsummer Paddling

Sup everybody!

I mean Stand Up Paddle board 🤯

This is me and husbandito on SUP boards. It was such an amazing day!!! 👏 We paddleboarded across Daugava to the other side that you can see in the picture. It took us about 20 minutes. The weather was HOT and water was just delightful. On the other side of Daugava there is a place called ”Dragonfly” and I love it for its soft sand, just like you would see in a sea. I hate rocks and glass that is on this side 🤦🏽‍♀️ And so I swam there and then we just decided to lie on the boards and sunbathe. We were holding hands so that wherever the stream would take us, we would be together 🦋 I like how my sister described it – it is such a tranquillity here, nobody can ring you and nobody can just come up to you because you are in the middle of a fricking river 😂

I prepared small vegan bacon and oninion pies.

They were delicious! 🤤 And on the 23rd of June we drove to Ķegums to celebrate midsummer. We didn’t have rain or wind, it was just a calm and sunny evening! We played Mysterium, Uno and Monopoly the whole evening. We had to finish Monopoly so we drove home only after 3 am 😅 I won the Monopoly.. I had more that 7 k at the end 😎

I don’t remember when was the last time we actually stayed up that late on midsummer. And when we drove home skies were actually not that dark.

Also I was driving and then I suddenly saw ducklings standing between the lanes and I was quick enough on brakes and I waited for them to pass. They didn’t hesitate.. They were like: ” Ok, the big monster with flashing eyes has stopped. It’s now or never you guys. Gogogo!!!” Thankfully the cars behind me didn’t decide to overtake or change to the left lane or it would have been a blood bath!!! Maybe they also saw them crossing.

I have had so many encounters like that over the years. Foxes, rabbits, ducks, you name it. And I always see them on the side of the road and can brake quickly. I have never hit an animal with my car. Vegan achievement unlocked! 🤩 I feel like people are simply not being careful enough! When I am driving at night I tend to drive actually within the speed limit, because I know that the animals come out at night so it is very likely that I might encounter them. I guess not everybody really think about it like I do. I simply know that it would be very hard for me to get over that. I want to cry every time I don’t hit an animal, what would happen if I actually hit one? 😅

Some days after that I met my friend Ulla and her little princess Nelle and we sat at Ķīšezers lake. We were having a good time. We played around with the Tarot and talked. 

And look who visited us 😎

Who knows, maybe those were the same ones that I helped to cross the road?

I had 2 nectarines so I bit off pieces and gave it to them. They seemed to enjoy the fruit very much. I had read that bread is actually bad for the birds, because the food has little nutritional value and can harm ducklings’ growth, pollute waterways, and attract rodents and other pests according to 

I found a lipstick that I like. It was pretty expensive but I like both the texture and the colour obviously as well. Lancome 290 Poeme Matte. The color is great for office as well as nights out.

And I took a photo of my old office since we moved to the new location on Friday.

I love changes 🤓

It has already been 3 years since I started working in DNB. Don’t mind the Luminor.. nothing to do with my employer 😅 Its a different bank!

 

 

 

 

 

I already visited our floor and found my desk. It also had a few gifts. What a welcome! It really felt special!

 

Happy Carrot

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Costa Rica Is About To Happen

About a year ago I was setting an intention to visit Costa Rica for the Completion Process training. Now it is happening. I will be attending the training on July and I am ready for the transformational adventure.

I am very curious about what this journey will bring me and those around me. But the healing and learning about myself hasn’t stopped and probably won’t ever. I remember walking with my husband in a warm evening in May and I said to him:

I feel like I have integrated all my aspects.. Like there isn’t anything to heal

And then he smacked me back to reality that only a shallow person would say that. And he was right. Since that evening I have had several new triggers and I recognized another trauma and aspects that are split off because of that. To be honest I was a bit relieved because the healing is FUN! I mean triggers aren’t fun when they are happening but they give me SUCH GOOD INSIGHTS about who I am and what I have been through during and afterwards. Triggers give me that opportunity for growth and success and I enjoy that very much.

The training will be held by Teal Swan herself and fortunately I will travel together with a woman from Norway (Will have to show off my language skills 😎). We will be no more that 20 people I think and it is going to be an intensive week with a lot of integration, authenticity and hard stuff, of course. I am excited also just to visit the country where our Rimi bananas come from! 😀

Also, I loved this information from the email:

Philia is located near the town Atenas, which is famous for having the best climate on earth. Bring clothing for warm, humid and hot temperatures. Don’t forget your swimsuit for the swimming pool at Philia and the beach.

Excited Carrot

A Student Of Connection

My first year studies are through. Today I wrote the last exam in Social Psychology. I truly feel relaxed and will do my best and enjoy the two months that I have during the summer, especially because the forecast for the next year is ”Cold and windy”. Seems like I will have a lot on my hands. Bring it on beaches.. 😀

So many new faces. I have had such an amazing year with my mates! I found so many soul sisters that I am starting to feel belonging! I have a feeling like several of them will be my friends for life 🙂 The feeling that I have been getting the whole year is that ” I am needed, wanted and people want to connect with me”. I remember one evening after school when I came home and I sat at my desk gazing at the wall and just started to cry… Kaspars was trying to understand what was happening and I tried to explain that like within a week I had received to many ”thanks, feedbacks and gratitudes as well as praises” that I just felt like its too much to handle. Because I had been used to not receiving those things at all.

My purpose in this life is ”connection”. And if I was a bit unsure about that in the beginning of the studies, today I can say that assuredly. I am excellent at seeing into others, connecting with their pain and truths and guiding them to connect with themselves and eventually others. This is just second nature to me and I want to do this for the rest of my life.

A year and 4 days..

.. Is how long it has been since I last wrote. I mean like a lot of things have happened during this year. We were to Morocco, my brother in law got married, my sister is having another kid, I started studying and other things.
But I want to talk about the deep stuff. I’ve been doing completion work on myself for this last year and thought that it could get only better and better because once you integrate a split aspect of you you have more energy and you stop being a match to the triggering situations that ask your attention for integration. And then my core negative imprint happened. (want to find yours? Click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RN16ubqbJUA )

My core negative imprint is ”disconnection”. Although it gave me the greatest understanding about my life’s purpose it also left me disconnected for life – disconnected is what I got in every relationship – with family, friends, partner and so on. This has been the biggest trauma I have had – surprisingly even wanting to kill myself a year ago was just a part of the big show called ”Disconnection”.

Last few weeks I am hitting it hard. I thought that it was going to be just another integration work that feels quite relieving afterwards. But I was wrong. I got STUCK. I have been stuck now for 3 days. The disconnected aspect does not want me, myself and I. It wants another person. And the figure of imagination isn’t working because there isn’t even a memory to integrate because the disconnection is all over the place. And I fucking can’t stand that everybody is living inside their bubble as it would be all sweet and perfect. They live in their bubble so they can’t feel my pain, even if I stare at the ceiling or cry helplessly in front of them it just bounces off. ”Disconnection at its finest” – I am so disconnected from the world that people don’t even see or feel the disconnection. Obviously they can see the hurt, but can’t do anything about it, because of the bubble that protects them from feeling empathy.
Helplessness, numbness, anger, hurt and then again from the beginning – not being able to pass the hurt and get into the regrets, hopes and eventually love.

Disconnection in bubbles

Disconnected Carrot

 

Welcome The Tornado Travellers Inside Your Heart

I have finally got it!

PURE POSITIVE FOCUS

TAKING AN INSPIRED ACTION

These are the 2 things that I keep in my mind throughout the day.

-Pure Positive Focus-
When something unpleasant happens we tend to keep drowning in the negative focus. It feels like it takes over and you have no control. It seem impossible to think any good thought. But what you should do is to let go and give yourself into that negative feeling. And I mean – stop trying to make it go away or tell yourself that it is so bad to feel this negative emotion and that you SHOULD feel this and that instead… This will literally throw you into a negative spiral and it does not take long to end up in hopelessness and eventually depression. So when you feel negative emotion JUST STOP! And let yourself feel the anger or sadness with mindfulness, with awareness and curiosity even. Because the emotion DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. Listen to it as If the emotion is like a messenger (which it is) and you honour it as a guest into you house. As a foreign traveller – so you want to be open and really listen to what it has to say. Validate it. If it is here so it has a value! This will literally feel like a relief. I could talk more about this topic in greater detail and also actual steps that you can take to move into more positive vibration. Just remember -you cannot jump vibrations. It means a person who feels completely hopeless cannot make himself feel pure hope and excitement just like that. You go gradually. Always. Consciously or unconsciously. Here is the emotional vibration scale:

But talking about pure positive focus – you can always shift your focus to feel better when you focus on things that you are really happy about. I have a personal example – I felt really shitty going back to work after being sick because I had lost the motivation to work (Also actually the reason why I was prone to getting the virus in the first place). So I felt horrible. I could not work effectively because I did not see the point. I was just fed up. And I tried to distract myself with music and so on.. But it just kept coming back. At one point I felt simply paralysed because it was literally a war zone inside of me and I was pulling myself emotionally to the opposite directions.

Then I watched Teal’s video which actually talked about key of happiness – Pure positive focus and taking an inspired action. And then I just accepted the feeling of being fed up and disappointed. I took time to understand and accept the traveller inside of my heart. I still felt shitty about the work but I felt a big relief. Suddenly I wasn’t running against a tornado. At that moment it felt as a good time to shift focus. So I took a pen and a paper and started to write the things that I was truly grateful for in that moment (You are not trying to tell yourself to feel grateful, you actually want to feel that way). It could be anything. Usually it is the easiest to write about the small things – small, easy but they do the trick.

So few of the things I wrote” I feel happy that I am sitting alone and listening to music and no one is bothering me with request that I would not want to respond to. I am grateful to have this moment to myself and being able to sit with my emotions because they matter to me.” ”I feel truly grateful for not having to work a job where I have to wear a uniform and pretend I am happy when I am not (I was thinking about my previous job at the casino).” And you can continue as long as you can and want. But the shift happened – I felt like I was controlling the tornado and it was carrying me into a future that I felt optimistic about, even a bit excited. I was really proud of myself. Especially because I used to live in these negative spirals all the time where I would drop so low as powerlessness/depression/guilt etc. Anyway – my focus changed – it now was a pure positive focus. I ended up going home feeling quite all-right and the next day I got good news that made me genuinely feel motivated about work again!

-Taking an inspired action-
This was a big struggle for me.  I have always ignored my needs. I have lived my life just to please others – friends, family, teachers and so on.. Without even really realizing it. And sometimes I got really angry and wanted to stand for myself but at the end I just blamed myself for being so selfish. Our society exalts sacrificing. Hate it. Worst. Thing. Ever. This is reason why I conditioned myself and made myself believe that there is something WRONG WITH ME if I have my own desires and If I follow my dreams, needs and wants. I never really had anyone by my side who would be like ” Go Daiga! Chase your dreams!” It was supposed to be parents who inspire you and stand behind you no matter what. Yeah well.. Not in this time and age. They are dealing with their own problems and consequences from their parent’s fuck-ups (Everyone is).

I healed my severe self-guilt with Completion Process (Read more about it here) (And on Teals website) and now I am actively learning to listen to my heart. When I suddenly get an inspiration or get excited about some idea or activity I take responsibility for it and make sure I follow it – this is taking an inspired action. It is important to differ this from feeling urged to do something – this is the opposite because it comes from a negative space and so it yields negative results. Last few years it had been very hard for me to take inspired actions. I still tend to tell myself all the reasons why the idea is not that good or maybe too ambitious or something. Basically my mind is trying to find all kinds of reasons and excuses because it thinks that I will somehow get hurt by following my desires. The funny thing is – The purpose of life IS TO FOLLOW YOUR DESIRES, WANTS AND NEEDS. And always prioritize your life by YOUR OWN values and live in accordance with them. If you don’t – you will find yourself feeling bored, discouraged, given up and you will try to seek distractions in food, porn and video games etc. because it is painful to think about the fact that you are not following your heart. And your heart will keep reminding you its desires throughout your life, but as you listen to it less and less, it becomes more and more silent almost impossible to hear. I did not say anything new, right? Yes, but the thing is that most of us don’t really get the meaning of this or choose to ignore it because its painful.  People usually understands this when they are 40. Suddenly they have a newsflash that they hate their life because they have been making the wrong decisions – not for themselves but in favour of others. And it is a bit harder to become that world famous painter when you have a mortgage and a stressful career at some fancy world corporation and every aspect of your life has been made in order with the fake life that you are living. So I have chosen not to wait for my mid-life crisis. I am in my twenties and want to make it right – live a happy life by following my desires right now.

Heart: I really want to drive to the mall !!!!
Mind: Are you serious? It’s Wednesday evening and the shops close in 2 hours!
Heart: But I just want to have fun and buy some Christmas gifts for friends and family. Maybe have a cup of tea in a cafe..
Mind: There is a lot of time to do that another day. And you have a lot of teas in the kitchen. Why do you want to pay for a cup of tea there?
Heart: I don’t know…. I just thought that it could be a fun way how to spend this evening and the thought of it makes me feel very excited. You know how much I love to walk through shops and look for interesting gifts..
Mind: No! Not today! Go wash some dishes and work on your project or something! And make a tea!
Heart: But..
Mind: NO!
Heart: Um…
Mind: Dishes and tea!
Heart:…..

I wish everybody to have the COURAGE to say YES to the heart!

Be happy – Watch this awesome video on Teals channel.

Carrotino Burratino

An Old Woman’s Boobs

Life is truly like an old woman’s boobs.

Sometimes they’re in the sky and sometimes they’re lying basically on the ground. Right now my life is all over the place. And I just can’t really understand what the F is going on. I mean.. I was about to kill myself for few months ago and then I hit the rock bottom where I understood that even death wouldn’t be a solution because I knew that I would reincarnate and come to this shitty weird ass reality again.. So why even bother, right? If I have to do this, I could might as well try to do this the first time (even though its probably not my first life, lol.. I kinda know that.. cause I’ve meditated and went to my previous life, but ok.. that is a different story)

No one could tell, right? A happy girl..

No one could tell, right? A happy girl..

That could spare me some time, few lifetimes.. Thats silly, Daiga.. the time does not exist for universe.. even if it would, it definitely does not mean shit to universe, because it cares only about EXPANSION and trying to figure out what it is through weird ass experiences, like human life on Earth. I’m sorry guys.. It seems its so hard to stay on track here.. As I said ” all over the place”.
Aaaaanyway.. So yeah.. Then 4 days after my 22nd birthday on August the 6th, I pay 250 EUR to this Horvatic woman who is one of Teal Swan’s Completion Process practicioneers. I know, you think that it is insane. Well being dead inside is not fun either. Its not like I had any value for anything at that time. And money was no exception. I had to at least try. And I did.

It was ground braking!!! I could never EVER imagine that such a simple process can literally change you in an instance. But I did not expect anything less from a process that was put together by Teal herself. After all, she is the wisest person that I have ”seen”. All her teaching have been a big help and a deep understanding about me, my life and others around me, and the source itself (Universe, God.. or u can call it whatever u want). That day I got rid of my self blame for good! This was liberating! And I mean self blame to a degree that I truly believed that I don’t deserve to walk on this Earth. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.


I will forever remember that day! It will soon be 3 months already and I have not had any suicidal thought (like a genuine one) ever since. And it is not like I am trying not to think about it or something.. NO – I truly don’t feel that way about myself and my existence any more. ^^ Since then I have done the Completion Process (CP for short) several times on myself. I could have saved those 250 EUR and learned to do it myself, but I just didn’t want to wait. I think I will go into details about CP some other time.

So now… I have put some IMPORTANT pieces back to my being (oh, you know, nothing special.. JUST FEELING OK WITH BEING ALIVE WITHOUT WAITING FOR THE JUDGEMENT HAMMER TO HIT ME) and I have more energy, I have more positive thoughts and I am just ready to finally move on with my life and take the next step. The problem is – I don’t really know what that is. Also the marriage is a struggle right now, which makes things a bit more complicated. I feel a bit stuck, a little bit afraid and just uncertain about how I should proceed here. I want to take control, but I don’t know where I want to turn the wheel to. I guess I’m waiting for the Universe to show me the way that I absolutely DO NOT want to take, as it always does 🙂 She is thoughtful like that. Only in darkness can you understand what light is. I guess this is the inspirational quote for Universe 😀 I also use it though.

Peace out,
Carrottee Bunnay
xD

Passat Wind Blew Us A New Car

Shame, shame, shame… 8 months without writing… but its better late than never, right?
I’ll try to sum everything up in few posts but brace yourselves cuz it may come in more than 2 😀

Since I was a little kid I’ve dreamt about having a car. I thought that it would be awesome to have a cute tiny car that I can drive with without having to get a driver’s licence. A car that I could use to go to places and it would go just as fast as a bicycle. Sometimes grandpa would let me into the garage and sit in his red Lada VAZ. And I would close my eyes and imagine that I am driving it from that garage to my parents’ apartment. I would image every bumps and every corner and how I would need to turn the wheel accordingly. I even once tried to build a little car myself (needless to mention that was not a successful attempt). And so it was a very important and sweet dream of mine to have my own car.

Since February I and Kaspars were trying to find a good used car. We were going through advertisements basically everyday and there were few cars that were really good but there always was a ”but” or a little ”nah-ah”. It was May already and I we had completely lost hope to find something decent and then we decided to go to Volkswagen salon and take a look at some reasonably priced new cars or used one. I was very interested in VW Jetta because it was almost as awesome as Passat but it was not that expensive but the car would really be just a vehicle then.. no extras.. nothing. Then we saw VW Passat B8 (2016) and of course it is a completely different car. And it had nice extras.

Random photo from internet with the car the we loved

Kaspars loved it, so did I, but.. The price… 30 000 EUR. The guy who was showing us the cars was a friend of Kaspars and he told us a lot of things and also a way how I could get a discount for 5 000 EUR. That made us think. A great bargain right? Hell yeah! We got home and got excited.. so there was no time to waste because the summer was coming and my dream was still burning hot! So then one thing happened after another and 17th of May (Norges nasjonaldag by the way) we drove home with our little cute Passat:

Handsome as fuck